249: Encouragement for Moms

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In celebration of Mother’s Day let’s get together and give a little encouragement for the moms out there. Whether you are a mom now, hoping to be one in the future or just want a little encouragement in general, this episode is for you. We are sharing our journeys as working moms including tips and some mindset advice. We dive in on scheduling and working parent logistics. How do we handle comparison and mom guilt? We are breaking it down. Come let us be your cheerleaders as we share stories and some of our favorite quotes.

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The following is a rough transcript provided by Otter.ai.

Alissa 0:01
Like do you work? Not do you work?

Katy 0:06
Okay, fair.

Alissa 0:07
Do you even work?

Katy 0:10
Sometimes when I’m like struggling with that, I’ll just be like, how would a man do this? Like? I always say, if you aren’t yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them.

Alissa 0:25
I didn’t send Hey, Ben and a bow today. Oh my gosh, that’s not my child. pulled up,

Katy 0:32
hold up. You save that for the end. Yeah.

Alissa 0:36
Hi, y’all. Welcome to hustle humbly. It’s Alyssa and Katie. And we are two top producing realtors in the Baton Rouge market.

Katy 0:42
We work for two different companies where we should be competitors. But we have chosen community over competition. The goal of our podcasts is to encourage you to find your own way in business to stop comparing yourself and start embracing your strengths. Hi, Alicia.

Alissa 0:56
Alright, guys.

Katy 0:59
Welcome to episode number 249. Happy Mother’s Day.

Alissa 1:03
Happy Mother’s Day, Katie.

Katy 1:05
Happy Mother’s Day. Yesterday was Mother’s Day. And are we are we giving encouragement below cheer?

Alissa 1:12
We’re just kind of recapping, you know, some we

Katy 1:16
have talked about being a mom on the show many times in different capacity. Yes. I always like the post around Mother’s Day, that are very thoughtful about everyone’s different season. Like maybe you’re trying to be a mother, maybe you don’t want to be a mother. Maybe your mother has passed away. Like, you know, everyone’s in it. Everyone has a mother but it doesn’t mean they have a great relationship with their mother or their mother still, you know with them or that they are a mother or that they even have any desire to be a mother or maybe they do have a desire to be a mother but there’s they’re working Yeah, they’re working on or can’t you know, so all different i This episode is not meant to alienate anyone know or trigger anyone. But we are going to give you some tips because we are in fact moms.

Alissa 2:02
We are Yes. So it is what it is. And we get a lot of emails from our listeners as well. Who are working moms. And just asking advice asking questions. And so while this isn’t necessarily going to be one of our episodes on, I don’t know how to now No, no. How are just here to like, encourage you encourage.

Katy 2:26
But while you’re on that I wrote a quote for you. All mothers are working mothers. Yes. Because that’s true. Oh,

Alissa 2:33
can I ask you a

Katy 2:34
question? And maybe someone can write in and tell me. I don’t know why I have a weird block when I’m because I know you’re so good at meeting other parents at school. Do you just like say, hey, what do you do? Like I’m always what if they say I’m a stay at home mom? Like, how do you approach it after that?

Alissa 2:56
I’m usually like, Oh, that’s awesome. Did you work before? Okay, and usually they did. Okay. I’ve never really met anyone that’s just like, never worked in their whole life. Okay, because they realize it’s actually helpful to them. They were like, oh, no, I’ve I’ve never worked really well. Oh, yeah, that’s probably what? Why would the smile like, Wow, that’s amazing. Yeah. Okay, for you.

Katy 3:20
I think it’s me like putting some kind of weird filter on it. Like, I feel uncomfortable. Like, what if they, because I think they’re gonna say it back in an uncomfortable way. But they’re

Alissa 3:28
not. And if they do you just smile and say, That’s awesome. Have

Katy 3:31
you ever ever had anyone respond and say, I’m stay at home mom in an uncomfortable way? Never. Because you’re just like, hey, what do you do? Correct. And they’re like, I’m a stay at home. Mom, you’re like,

Alissa 3:41
I say, do you work? And they’re like, Yeah, I do this, or now I stay at home and I’m like, Oh, awesome. What do you do before?

Katy 3:49
Okay, do you work might work better? Yeah. Instead of what do you do? Do you work outside of the home? Do I have to do have to filter it? And I’m gonna know right now.

Alissa 3:59
I know. I think it’s all about the tone of voice. Okay. Like do you work? Not do you work?

Katy 4:07
Okay, fair. Do

Alissa 4:07
you even work? Do you do work? No,

Katy 4:12
I’m a stay at home mom. Okay, but you wouldn’t be like, where do you work? Because that would be weird.

Alissa 4:17
And then that’s assuming they have a job. Okay. But I find you do or do you work? So with Haven’s first grade class, I’m a room mom. So I’m there. When they have events. It’s not the most time consuming thing. I mean, you know, Thanksgiving and Christmas is more time consuming because we’re having little shindigs and whatnot. But I think that some of the people assume I’m a stay at home mom unless otherwise told fascinating. So that’s why I like to bring it up and I want you to tell them that you’re a realtor. Yeah. And a lot of times, so if I had a closing or something before I had to go, I mean, you see me Katie, I’m in I love sweat pants and leggings but I don’t wear that when I’m meeting clients fair. I love wearing it on podcast day.

Katy 5:07
Do you wear them to school if you don’t have clients? If I don’t

Alissa 5:11
have client meetings I might wear like black leggings with a sweater. I gotta feel like that could also be a stay at home mom, you’re sure now you’re trying to like maybe I need to wear my work clothes. Well, I have found if I’m wearing work clothes, they just assume she works because you wouldn’t wear a blouse is a great is a great tip. You know, like, why would you wear a blouse if you didn’t have to?

Katy 5:40
I love the Word Flow. You’re right, but why would you? So

Alissa 5:45
on the day that I’m dressed like from work? Yeah, people ask me more. What do you do? Like they asked before I even

Katy 5:54
have a chase. So hot tip even if you don’t have a client appointment and you’re going to your kids school if you want people to ask you what you do. Where the work clothes.

Alissa 6:04
I don’t agree that you should wear your nametag to school. Oh my god. I know. But there’s so many people that are like, I just wear my nametag everywhere and I’m it to me. It’s a little bit cringy I

Katy 6:16
would want to crawl in a hole. Yeah, I just had a nametag very briefly and I’m like, I don’t know why I got this thing. Yeah, never gonna wear it. I’m never gonna wear it. But you know what? They sold it to me when I got first got it? No, no, not like literally, but like they made it seem like that’s what you do. That’s just another tip. Like, hey, just because someone says that’s what you do. If it makes you uncomfortable, then just don’t do it. Right. Okay, well, let’s back up. Happy Mother’s Day to you. Thanks, Katie. I brought some flowers. Oh, you’re gonna sneeze now. Okay, those are sweet peas from the garden. Tell me what you did for Mother’s Day.

Alissa 6:52
I went to the beach without my children. That’s so fun. I took a girls trip.

Katy 6:58
I mean, that is truly celebrating the moms. I

Alissa 7:01
didn’t necessarily mean I wasn’t like I’m leaving for Mother’s Day. I just got invited. And that was my friend has a condo and they mean it. Somebody ate it. That was the weekend that the condo was open. And I was invited everyone’s home with their mom. And at first I was like, I should not leave. It’s Mother’s Day. And then I thought that’s why I should I want to be at the beach or being late.

Katy 7:24
I think my mom My mom used to do this. That’s great. I mean, three kids. She was stay at home mom, and I feel like her girls trip typically fell in that

Alissa 7:34
range. I don’t know if I realize that your mom was a stay at home mom that his whole life. Always. What did she do before?

Katy 7:40
She did like some office work like you know, miscellaneous type for your dad. Not for my dad because he was working for other people. But oh, are they had kids? Okay. I don’t think she ever worked in his business. But she worked in like, you know, office situations. Yeah, they were young. I mean, when they isn’t it weird

Alissa 8:01
to look back on your memory of your parents like they were our age?

Katy 8:07
This age? I am now. Yeah, this is the age I picture my parents always because I’m 47 like I don’t right. Yeah, picture my. My parents were in their mid late 20s When they had me.

Alissa 8:18
Yeah. Isn’t that weird to think about? I guess. Like my mom and dad getting through three girls. Yeah.

Katy 8:25
Impressive. It’s very impressive. Right? Okay, so you’re just went to the beach? Yeah. So happy for you. How did you How do you feel about that with your mom? She doesn’t care. Oh, she was fine. She’s like by. Yeah, she’s

Alissa 8:40
like, enjoy. Yeah, she’s

Katy 8:41
like, What a great idea.

Alissa 8:42
Let’s get a pedicure when you get back. Okay, cute. I

Katy 8:45
love it. As long Okay, so normally we will either go to my parents where my mom is. Or sometimes we’ll go to my sister’s house and they’ll come there. Because my sister’s birthday. She my sister was born on Mother’s Day. Oh my god, like the Mother’s Day. Your second kid your she was born on May 10. And it was Mother’s Day. Okay, okay. I don’t think they give you a year’s worth of diapers. Like when you’re the first baby of the new year. I think it’s just like, wow, cool. You had a baby on Mother’s Day. What do you know? That’s her birthday. Then Mother’s Day insert. And then she got married on May 9. So all of her major events are on the same weekend typically. And they call that their Trifecta trifecta. Mother’s Day, her birthday and her anniversary anniversary anyhow, so sometimes we’ll go to her house. Nice. So maybe we did not I don’t know. Hard to say. Maybe I’ll maybe I’ll pick up and run off to the beach. Yeah. Yeah. But it’s hard to say hard to say. Okay, what do you want to dive into now? What are some of the kind of messages that we get from listeners?

Alissa 9:52
We get a lot of moms with littles. Yeah, that are trying to figure out How to maybe grow their business what they should be doing with their schedules while they have littles. And it’s like, we don’t want anyone to shut on you, and we’re certainly not going to shit on you either. And I was thinking how every person would need totally different advice. Yeah, even what I did with Haven was totally different than what I did with tape Correct. With Haven started daycare at eight weeks. Okay, and I just in before eight weeks, I was popping in and out of appointments as I could. Yeah, I was I would like literally, nurse, run and try to be back before I had to feed like two and a half hours later. Yeah, I feel like

Katy 10:48
you and I must have become friends when she was very little because you’re still like, I can meet you for lunch. But I’ve got a pump in the parking lot. Yeah, before I come on, just hold on. I’m coming. I gotta just get take a second. And

Alissa 11:01
with Haven, um, you know, they say like, your first is the one that made you a mother. Like I resonate with that because even when I was pregnant, I wasn’t. I was excited. But I didn’t know like, how I was going to feel. I did. I am thankful that I did have like that magical moment when she was born. And they like put her on me and like, you know, the Grinch is small heart grew three sides. Yours did? Yeah, it did. I was actually so thankful, buddy. babysit, were you know, I

Katy 11:33
know. You know, lots. Yeah. But you were the oldest. Yeah.

Alissa 11:36
But I think I was actually having this conversation with my sister. Because I think we were so close in age. We were Pierce. Oh, you weren’t taking care of them? I mean, I

Speaker 1 11:46
my parents would let us be home alone. But I don’t know that I took care all that you have much older are you then your middle are all two years apart? That’s old enough. Yeah. For you to be like Alyssa is in charge. At some point you were able to stay home? You know what I mean? Like, yeah, yeah, we’re still the oldest, right? Interesting.

Alissa 12:04
I just don’t remember much. I have a very vivid memory. Because me and my youngest sister are alike in some ways, but we also like butt heads the most, I think because we’re so alike. Yeah. And you like can’t be upset with the middle one, either of us. She’s just too nice. So the youngest was so rare for

Katy 12:27
a middle child, really? For her to be too nice. They’re usually like, oh, yeah, no,

Alissa 12:32
no, she’s not at all. But my youngest sister, I don’t know how old I was. I might have been like, 11. So she was like, five or six. Okay. And she had a bad dream. And she came in my room, and she was crying. And she’s like, not, uh, she’s, like, tough, you know? And I was like, Oh, my God, you know, I didn’t know what to do. Like, why I’ve felt kind of like, for the first time this nurturing to take care of this. Yes. Like, I’ve never she’s never come to me to take care of her sting. So I picked her up. And you know, she’s, we’re not I’m not that much bigger than her. Like we, you know, we’re and I, she, I carried her and I remember she was crying so hard. I could feel her ribcage, like, again, smell my butt. Something about feeling her ribcage. It was very vivid to me and something I remember to this day, because I was like, she feels so like, little like she’s that was probably the first taste of like, nurturing and I just brought her to my parents room. You’re like here? Yeah, I don’t know. Like, I guess this is bad. Yeah, she needs she was fine. Great. She made it through. But I just don’t have that meant, like I didn’t have like little tiny cousins or

Katy 13:45
fascinating. So I wonder if people who feel that way are more likely to have that moment when their baby their first baby is born. Like wow, like suddenly I’m a mom. I was just very motherly. Like, I’m the oldest of three. I’m just very nurturing. And I babysat hard core for infants through whatever age from the time I was 12 until like in high school. So yeah, I was around a lot of kids. I just I didn’t have that moment. Because I was already motherly I think, do you I knew you wanted

Alissa 14:18
to be a mom. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay,

Katy 14:22
so people write in for all these things. But you both of your kids were different. When did tape go to daycare Tate was

Alissa 14:27
a COVID, baby. Oh, right. Right. And so I was a little nervous and hearing all these different things. And yeah, there were some daycares that were open, but I wasn’t sure what to do. Okay, so my youngest sister. She’s a nurse now. And, you know, nurses, 312 hour shifts a week is full time and they just pick up extra shifts. I’m like, Hey, instead of picking up extra shifts, would you want to come like, I’ll pay you to sort of be My nanny, yeah, on certain days, and she was like, Sure. So she did that for six months. The first six months. Uh huh. And then, and Haven was in her preschool by that point, they’re four years apart. So I just had him home with her for six months, on certain days and worked around that. And it was also a little easier because it was COVID. Yeah, so like, I don’t know, you know, that was a different time. And then he started school. That was fine. Yeah. Okay. So I will say, you know, a lot of times we like will, or you they’ll ask about being a stay at home mom or like, but we are not stay at home moms. So it’s very difficult for us to give advice, but you had that little window. Ainsley my first did not go to daycare until she was nine months old. So I definitely was a stay at home mom for her first nine months of her life. Yeah. And that was

Katy 15:59
virtually impossible to run my business, it was really difficult, because I would have support or help like, Jay was at work, and my mom would come and watch her. And she was the first grandchild. So she had a lot of time for that. I was very excited about it, but only for as long as the appointment was out of the house. If I had to go back and relive it, I would be like, Okay, I’m going on an appointment and my showing would be at one and I would also schedule an extra hour to be like at the coffee shop doing my admin Yes, because I wouldn’t I would just come straight back after whatever the out of the house appointment was. And then I would try to do admin or like return phone calls, and hope that the baby wasn’t going to cry her room wall shared the wall with my office. It was truly difficult. Yeah. So I did dabble and stay at home. Mom,

Alissa 16:49
do you feel like that took away because okay, we were sort of opposites like you were excited to be a mother looking forward to it. You’re, you know, naturally motherly, and then you have a baby and you’re trying to still like kind of stay at home and work. Do you feel like that? hindered any of your joy? Or like

Katy 17:08
maybe like I was less joyful, but I definitely felt resistance. Yeah, you know, in both directions. Like I was think I kept her home longer because of I felt guilty. Like I can’t send her to daycare. I mean, my job is flexible. I gotta keep her here. And then I’m like this is that technically working? Yeah. What? And she was an early Walker. So when she went to daycare, she was walking.

Alissa 17:30
Oh, wow. And did you have to work? Yeah, okay,

Katy 17:34
I was probably still the breadwinner at that time. Yeah, I mean, tighter. But yeah, I had to work so there was a lot of financial stress and there was a lot of like time stress like I can’t figure out how this works she was a decent Napper but not no baby is perfect. No are great. So that was hard and then Jack was terrible baby. And by I don’t think he made it to six months and like you gotta go to daycare because you’re crying and I have to get something done. I can’t like I don’t know what to do. Yeah, so but they were both he was worse but they were both decent sleepers. Okay, did you where’s your where yours good sleepers?

Alissa 18:17
Yeah, Haven was perfect.

Katy 18:19
I mean, how did you get her to be a perfect sleeper? I

Alissa 18:21
read like moms on call. I can follow that schedule. And when I tell you it worked like the first week I was like, I’m such a good mom. This works I can follow direction. She’s sleeping and I always felt bad when my friends with new babies were like my my read oversleep and I’m like mine is like sleeping 14 hours a night as napping. Yeah. Then take came along. And nothing worked. Yeah. Take the tank. He didn’t sleep till he was like one years old probably hungry. He would take a 44 minute nap already for every time my sister thought it was funny because she she even started timing. It was like I don’t know what happens a 44 minute Oh, they

Katy 19:02
tell you because I went by baby wise. And at 45 minutes there’s actually something in their sleep cycle that happens that you actually have to wait them out. You just didn’t know because you didn’t baby. No,

Alissa 19:14
I was just like with Tate I was in survival. Mayor’s like Haven came with a point came with me to appointments my whole life. She was good. Yeah, if I needed her to come I never had an issue. Yeah. Tate was like not allowed. Once he like I took him to one and I was like, I he doesn’t come to restaurants. He doesn’t come to appointments like to this day if I get a phone call and I say guys, I need to be on the phone Haven knows Zipit she’s gonna behave. So well. Tate gets this like miniature CVS look on his face like she’s about to be on the phone and she can’t see her. She’s like she might pinch me after but it’ll be one worth it like he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care. I just they just canceled school last month because of this huge storm we had and I had to home inspections that day. Thankfully, my client is a school mom. Okay, so she has two boys okay. And I texted her was like well schools clothes she was like, well, Tate, we’ll just have to play with my boys. I’ll bring you know this and I was like, I’ll bring his dinosaurs a honestly this he’s three. It was the first time I brought him to work and he it went out it went okay, it went fine. Thankfully it was like a madhouse. We had four kids there. The home inspector was hilarious. I was like very interested in his headlamp and when when he pulled when the inspector pulled down the Attic Stair. Tate’s mind was blown. Like what is a secret passage way and then when he like went up in there with a headlamp. I’m like trying to keep teed off the ladder and then like, was amazing, like looking for one at our house and wants me to open the attic. So anyway, just, you know, that cute little reel of us rocking on the front porch, in a dorm. And then I can’t find them. And I’m like, where is the these on the front porch with his pants down peeing off the front porch on her flowers? Oops.

Katy 21:32
Sorry, Mr. And Mrs. Seller. Yeah.

Alissa 21:34
Good times.

Katy 21:35
Did they have a camera up there? I

Alissa 21:36
don’t know. If they I texted the agent was like, Look, if y’all have any cameras, I’m just letting you know, all of our kids are here. A lot going on.

Katy 21:48
Okay, let’s get back to the questions. Okay. Yeah, people. I will say this because I consider myself to now be a mom. What I like to call on the other side. Okay. Yeah, my kids are 11 and 14, they can pretty much handle anything on their own. They’re relatively easy to deal with. They are. I just think that it’s so difficult when it’s difficult in the beginning that people ask and but you don’t we don’t get messages from people with on the other side. On the other side. Yeah. It’s not like that. Like being a mom. And being a realtor is impossible forever. Yeah, it’s just like, really super difficult for this window of time, right? So if you’re in the window of time, you can do this. But I would just like to say it is pretty short. Like now being on the other side. It depends on how far apart in age your kids are, right? But mine are two years and nine months apart. So they like that’s it it’s fine. Once the youngest one gets to about five ish and like regular school. You’ve pretty much gotten

Alissa 22:59
to the other Yeah, it’s it’s those those years are short a note and take see like we’re approaching summer schools about to be out. Haven this summer will be a little bit harder, because last summer she went to camp, I say camp her school that she goes to offers camp all summer camp. We did that all summer. Like she was like Mom, it was fine. But I cannot go every single day all summer. Right. And I don’t blame her. It was a lot. Yeah. So this year, I’m trying to like mix it up. Like she’ll come with me on Tuesdays and Thursdays and play with your daughter who is great with her. She idolizes her, you know, I have her signed up for a few other different things. So I’m trying to just make it more fun. Yeah, we’re gonna go to the beach. Like we’re gonna take some vacations, but Tate’s in daycare. Yeah, so it’s just random in like, my life doesn’t change with him. Yeah. I mean, that

Katy 23:52
was the nice part daycare before school summers.

Alissa 23:56
I know that was that was a hardship. There’s just a season, right? And then you adjust. I remember thinking, Oh, my gosh, she’s in kindergarten. What do I do in the summer? Yeah, I’m never going to make it and then we made it. And I was like, Oh, that was easy. We can do it. I know. The other day, I went to pick up Tate and it was four o’clock. And I walk in he just starts sees me, starts crying hysterically and running away from me. All the other kids like run to their parents. And the teacher looked at me and said, from four to 430, it’s our time on the playground. He was like God, yeah, he was literally like, go outside. And I said, Listen, because Tanner works across the street from school. And even like, we alternate pickup days, but I said listen, do you want daddy to pick you up later? Yes, get out. Like okay, so are you sure? Yes, by so I left him got Haven Haven was like where’s Tate? Oh, I didn’t want to go didn’t want to come home. So I texted The interim was like you can get paid at 445. And he was like, Yeah, I was like, he was like what’s wrong? I was like he didn’t want to come home. He was actually crying hysterically. never changed. Tanner say Tanner just like sent like a laughing face or whatever. Yeah, it did. I just picked him up like at like five o’clock. He’s like, I just picked him up. His face is so red. He was telling me the best time on the playground

Katy 25:21
right? Day May.

Alissa 25:25
But see, when they go to aftercare havens, like pick me up early. Like, I want to be picked up, but Tate wants to stay late to keep two kids happy. So we have our things. Yeah. Uh huh. I love it. But on that note, what you were talking about how the season you’re in is not your season forever. Right? I found a really good quote about it. Oh, good. kind of goes along with the quote, we love. We can do anything, but not everything. This one I like even better, because it says you can have it all. Just not all at one time. Oh, that’s so good. Isn’t that good? Like you can have it I have it all, just and I remember, you know, when I started real estate in 2011, I didn’t have Haven until 2017. Okay, I was very involved in leadership, right for our Board of Realtors for our State Board. And when I was pregnant with Haven, I was sort of like up for nomination to be on our move up the ladder to move up the ladder of leadership, like whether that was to be the vice president of the board. I eventually be the president. And I was really feeling like I have to make this work. This is my moment. And I thought, Wait a second. Why don’t I do this when I’m 45? Right. I don’t have to do this right now.

Katy 26:47
There’s not as much urgency when you look at it like that. Yeah, just because you have the opportunity then doesn’t mean you won’t have it later when you’re done with your parenting years. Yes.

Alissa 26:58
And it just sort of and I think I don’t think I came up with that. On my own show. We’ll find whoever told you. I think I was stuck. Because I’m a very like in live in the

Katy 27:10
moment. So there’s something Connie would have told you probably. She’s very wise. She is very wise thing. Just think Yeah.

Alissa 27:16
And I remember them being like, Why do you have to do it right now? Like I was 28. Yeah. And pregnant with my first like, I don’t know. It just seemed like that was where

Katy 27:30
I was. That was the path. My Enneagram three was on the path.

Alissa 27:33
I actually wrote down that my Enneagram three, because I’m so aware of it, especially after our Enneagram episode very early on. I feel like it’s sportin me Yeah. Well, you need to go listen to it. If you haven’t listened to it yet. It’s one of my favorite episode. It really is good. But I because of I know my tendencies. Yeah, I know, myself. And I know that I tend to get stuck on thing, right. And I have to remember that. You know, it doesn’t all have to happen right now. Yeah. So that was great. And it’s so true. You can have it all. But not all at one time. Yeah. So you have to sort of plan that out.

Katy 28:14
And the episode number I looked it up, but I see you have it there.

Alissa 28:17
Yes. So episode 20 is embracing your season of life. Yeah. And it’s not just about parents aren’t just about parenting. It could be you know, aging parents, it could be single married, every season of life is different. And your business and your life priorities should be shifted accordingly for that timeframe. And we don’t feel comfortable telling you like what you should be doing as a new mother or as a seasoned mother. No, because everybody’s situation is very different. Yeah, you know, are do you have help? Do you have grandparents? Do you have a spouse? Are you a single mom? What does that look like? Like I live off of our babysitter’s I have three that I keep on? Like keep on rotation? Whereas like, I have friends that have never used a babysitter in their life, you know, coming? I have just a handful. Yeah, yeah. So it’s like, everybody is so different. So it’s hard for us to say what you should be doing. No. And, and we, but you’ll know like, you know, if it’s not working, yeah,

Katy 29:30
but here’s my take on this. I’m not gonna tell you what you should do. But you do have to have support. I don’t think you can have a any full time job though. And not have some type of support. So what, regardless of what your situation is, if you’re living in a city where you don’t, you know, have family or what, like, you have to have support. So if you don’t have support for your children, or that’s not the part that you want support for, then you’re going to have to get support for something else. Do you have to use the laundry service or grocery delivery or A housecleaner, like, you just cannot lump on a whole nother set of tasks when you have kids and assume that you can still do your full time job task and your house tat like whatever your and you know, God forbid you want to have a hobby or have time to yourself? I don’t think so.

Alissa 30:16
Yeah. And I think that’s where so many of our messages come from. I’m a stay at home mom and I want to do the volume that you do and right. I didn’t do that. No, you know, I wasn’t a stay at home mom. And here’s the thing. If you, you know, there’s different different types, like one of our listeners, her husband, she’s married, she has a husband who works and does well. Now, any money she brings in is helpful to the family. Right? You know, if if she didn’t work at all, it would be a little tighter, but they would make it. Yeah. So in situations like that, like, the question is, you don’t? How much is helpful? Right before? It’s not helpful? Yeah. You know, maybe your goal shouldn’t be 25 houses, maybe four or five is perfect. For that season. For the first year. There are a

Katy 31:10
lot of times we get the I would just like to make enough money to cover daycare. And I’m like, Well, this is a hard choice. Because are you to break even, are you saying that it’s just doing the activity of having a job is important to you, which is totally fine. And I completely understand. But if the momming part was more important to you than why.

Alissa 31:32
And that’s sort of, I think, where I would fall? If so, you know, Tanner’s in law enforcement, we know how well they get paid. But I feel like if I didn’t have to work, right, you know, I, we were very wealthy, I didn’t have to work. Okay. I would probably be trying to sell real estate enough to cover child care for the sake of my brain because you want to get because I need the adult interaction. I need to use my brain. Like when I get to work, I’m good at it. Yeah, when I go home, I can’t peel a banana the right way, right? Like nothing I do is right, right. And I actually was thinking about that the other day, as an Enneagram. Three, I thrive off of like, positive affirmations like recognition, you’re doing a great job. I don’t get any of that at from the children from the children. I mean, take, you know, pet my hair and tell me I’m pretty and then he’ll, you know, yell at me for the wrong sippy cup. And, but at work, I get what I need. At at home, it’s it’s, I would have to send them even if it wasn’t for financial report, you know, so I get that, that you might need to do it just to cover child care.

Katy 32:51
Right. But I feel like people also treat it like an all or nothing. I want to make enough to send them to full time childcare. But like, couldn’t we find a happy medium? Like, is there a Mother’s Day Out program? Or is there some way that you can have a sitter for one day a week or two days a week? Can? Can you make it work? Like there’s so many ways? What is it the skin the cat? So

Alissa 33:13
many ways to skin a million ways to skin a cat like Yeah, it’s weird, but

Katy 33:18
there’s a lot of different ways to do and I think we all default to the perfect scenario as opposed to like, well, what are all the options? Yeah, like, maybe I can’t afford the best daycare five days a week, you know, 40 hours, but do I really need 40 hours to work the business I currently have probably maybe not like, can I make it on three days a week? Mother’s Day Out? That’s from nine to one,

Alissa 33:41
right? What’s the difference in cost? Yeah. Like there’s the options. And there’s another quote that I read that I thought made an excellent point is the only way to do a great job is to like what you do ya. So if you’re really struggling and being a working mom is making you resent real estate or resent being a mom. The only way around that is to find a new way a new balance. Yeah, you know, whether that means getting a little bit more help adjusting your expectations. We’ve shared so many times about our Monday morning goal setting meeting. Yeah, and my favorite people are the ones who are like, you know, if I could sell $2 million dollars in real estate right here, that would just be awesome for my family. Like that’s amazing. Like, I love that they’re so proud of that. Right? Because everyone’s is different and they don’t feel bad about saying to when the person before them said 12 Right. That’s just what they need. There’s that two person was trying to sell 12 for no reason, right? The quality of life would just be no not with not that’s not the goal here, right? It’s not the goal. It’s now the goal. I have another quote for you since you were on struggles. Successful mothers are not the ones that never struggled. They are the ones that have never gave up despite the struggles. That was sharing genes. Yeah, it’s okay.

Katy 35:17
I mean, everyone’s going to struggle. Okay, let’s talk about resetting what to do? We’ve had so many episodes on boundaries and self care. I really liked this quote, an empty tank will take you exactly nowhere. Oh, an empty tank will take you nowhere. You can’t pour from an empty cup. I hope for all of you moms who were listening yesterday, you actually didn’t have to do any momming as Alissa has learned, maybe that requires you leaving town. Oh, yeah.

Alissa 35:48
If I was in town, I would have been getting my kids dressed to go to grandparents probably. Wrapping Mother’s Day gifts, letting my husband know what the Mother’s Day gifts were probably having to bring some sort of appetizer or something for going to whoever’s mom’s house we went to. We probably go swimming, which requires me the mother to remember that my kids need sunscreen. Yeah,

Katy 36:16
fair, fair. All fair. All the things. Yeah. I will say that when your kids are younger than Mother’s Day. I mean, bless Jay, he did attempt to be like, Okay, it’s Mother’s Day, don’t do anything. I’m gonna do all the chores. I’m gonna take care of the kids. But your kids. I mean, you only have to look away for a second those things will be launched straight to the mom. Yes. I need no

Alissa 36:37
law, right? You’d be like I shared. Don’t

Katy 36:41
care. And I’m like, it’s so funny. Now there are plenty old enough that it’s like, it’s Mother’s Day. And they’re like, we’re not supposed to bother you and I can sleep late. Yeah. So there’ll be the the seasons, you know, right that you’ll have those mother’s days,

Alissa 36:55
my friend was telling me that, like, she just always was the one that got up with the kids. And I was telling her how me and Tanner tried to do like, Saturday or Sunday. So I’ll be like, which one do you want? Do you want to get up with them Saturday? Or do you want to get and then the other one just gets to sleep in. And then we realized that once I’m awake, I’m awake. So then we shifted to, I get up with them. And then he gets up at like, nine. And I go back to bed and take a nap for like an hour. Oh, it’s amazing.

Katy 37:27
I love that. It’s so good. Good plan.

Alissa 37:30
I feel like when he was getting up with them, it’s like my brain couldn’t fall back asleep. You were like, I’m away. I can hear them. And I’m like, Oh, you’re like don’t give them bad cereal. Yeah. And so this going back to bed thing has been delightful. I love. It’s really great. So great. So you’ve got to figure it out. Figure out

Katy 37:49
your own system. Yeah, figure out your own system. Okay, what else do you want to talk about? Do we want to talk about scheduling at all? I think that it’s everyone’s is different. But do you have any tips or thoughts? Or

Alissa 38:03
I just tried to leave a lot of whitespace? Yeah, in my calendar. Yeah. My hardest days are the days when my email is out of control. And there’s people waiting on me for things but I have to go I have ran out of time. Yeah, I have to go pick them up. And then if I try to be on my computer while they’re around, those are probably like the times I’ve had my worst mom moment. Yeah, where I’m more snappy. I have no patience, because it’s very hard for me to try to your type of repair request. Here’s

Katy 38:39
a quote for you. I always say if you aren’t yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them. That was Reese Witherspoon.

Alissa 38:48
How funny is that? Oh, so relatable rights?

Katy 38:51
The resistance? Yes. When you try to do one both things at the same time. It’s neither is going super

Alissa 38:58
well. Yeah, I don’t like that feeling. And

Katy 39:00
some of us do not have the luxury of not like, sometimes you got to do both at the same time.

Alissa 39:05
And the nights that I do have to work after they go to bed is the nights that I’m scheduling all my emails to send, like 730 The next morning, right? Just scheduling everything. And then I’m a little bit ahead the next day at least just

Katy 39:19
start off ahead. Oh, that’s great. Here’s one start where you are, use what you have. Do what you can. Arthur Ashe, I really liked that one start where you are use what you have, do what

Alissa 39:31
you can and I think that’s better said than done. Like that is an EASY Quote to read. But if you really evaluate your life evaluate your actual schedule. Like is there something in here that can change write it and look, we talked about it in one of our epic No, no it was our community live oh, about how I already there’s the thing in our brain that even if you’re trying to change something for the better you’re brain will naturally resist. Yeah. Yeah. If it is any kind of change, yeah, we are biologically programmed to not like it and feel resistance. Right then it’s like the first weekend that you get up early and then go back and take a nap. You know?

Katy 40:15
Like this works. Yeah, this works. Okay, I do want to say, I think there’s a bajillion Facebook groups. But I think it’s good to find another realtor Mom where you are so that you can, maybe there’s a world where you can swap days. Does one of you take the kids on one day and wanted like, can we get together and the kids are entertaining themselves? And then you’re able to do a little bit of your admin or your you know, calling your database or whatever, like, how can you find support with the other realtor moms?

Alissa 40:52
So she’s not our daughter, but this mom and I, we sort of had a Parent Trap moment last year in kindergarten. Okay, we walk into kindergarten, and there’s this little girl who looks like Hayden. I didn’t like this child. creepy. Creepy. I tell you, even on the Instagram, when the teacher would post pictures, there was a few times where I was like, I didn’t send Haven and a bow today. Oh my gosh, that’s not my child. Oh, my God, creepy, then they both lost their front teeth at the same time. Every so Anywho. Her mom is a teacher at another school. Okay. So during the school year, when a parent can come to a field trip or a parent can come to a party, she can’t make everything right. So I when we would go on field trips, I would sign up to have both Haven and her twin. So I always had the two of them. Or when I go to chapel on Wednesdays and sit with Haven. The twin comes and sits with us as well. So I have both of them. Right. So it’s been wonderful. Well, when school closes, you know, for a holiday or something. Teacher mom is also off. Yeah. So she’s like, send her over like, so when school is closed. She helped right? When school is open. I help it so funny because you know, Haven and Tate are both like super fair, blond hair, blue eyes. So as twin obviously. So whenever I’m somewhere with all three of them, everyone stops me. And it’s like, I don’t know how you do it with twins and a baby here like and I knew it’d be tough. I know. I used to be like, Oh, this one’s just a friend. And I just started being like,

Katy 42:32
thank you. Yeah,

Alissa 42:33
thank you. It is hard. Yes. We went to the park the other day, I had all three of them. And this lady was like, Oh, my gosh, I have twins too. And you don’t say I actually had to tell her. I was like, Oh, they’re just friends. No way. I was like, yeah, not related. And their birthday is the same way. Oh, we went a joint birthday pulled up pulled

Katy 42:54
up. You save that for the end? Yeah. Like the same exact day.

Alissa 42:59
It’s like two days apart. It is crazy, right? So we had a joint birthday party like this year. I’m a twins. And it was perfect because I made one invitation. And it’s like twin and Haven are turning seven. And it’s like and then I did the invitations and got them to school and the other mom handled like the doughnuts and the fruit tray. We split a cake really live in large over there. It’s amazing. It’s like the most wonderful friendship I’ve ever had. That’s so great. So helpful. I know. Oh, I love that for you find someone guys find someone. They’re out there but they’re not out there. If you’re a recluse Yeah, you gotta get out. They don’t talk to anyone. Oh,

Katy 43:39
you got to get out there. Okay, what else do you want to talk about for the moms now is not forever now. It’s not forever. Now it’s not forever. You Anything else that you feel like the moms need to know that’s encouraging

Alissa 43:53
or the perfect mother for your family? Oh, I love that. Just a good little affirmation for you. You are a perfect mother for my family. Yeah, you’re like I created these monster Yeah, genetically. I’m just what you need. Because sometimes I’m like, should I be I don’t know. You know, I get in my head about Vega be we all do like softer. Should I be more nurturing, but it’s like I actually made this way and I do the best I can. And this is who they are. And this is who I am. This is who they are. And this is who I am. I’m their mother. They would not you are Yeah, use what you have. Do. Which again, great. They’re doing like kids swap.

Katy 44:31
I would just be like, Yeah, take this kid. Yeah, I’ll take yours be like, Well, this one doesn’t fit. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 44:38
I mean, right.

Katy 44:40
Don’t let a bad day make you feel like you have a bad life. Or even a bad season. Right? Bad moment. You don’t let a bad moment. Make you feel like you’re a bad person. Um, okay.

Speaker 2 44:55
I think that I have shared my tips. Yeah, that was good. Okay. If anything else, I have read

Alissa 45:01
this article about this mom who was saying that, you know, when she was up in the middle of the night rocking a crying baby at 3am. And it’s dark and you felt like so alone in that moment that like sometimes she would get on like her phone and the moms Facebook groups, and they had like a night owl group. And we’re like all chatting it up. Yeah. Just like, hey, if there’s anybody out there, you know, but what was fun for me is both of my sisters are nurses. Yeah, we’re both night shift when I had my kids. So you could just so I would text the sister group just to see like, is anyone working? And usually one of them was Yeah, so I just had someone to like, talk talk to for a minute. But like she said that she would always say, I know, I’m not the only mom who is up in the middle of the night, right? I know. I’m not the only mom back at work wondering how my kid is doing at school. Yeah, I know. I’m not the only mom running late to carpool right Raul. Right? Like, you’re not the only one right? And we do get you know, it all goes back to mindset. Yeah, always we get so in our head about how things should be Yeah, what our expectations are. Why are those even our expectations anyway? Oh, I

Katy 46:14
know. And I had lots of notes actually in here about comparison is harder to avoid when your mom for some reason is

Alissa 46:20
so why because there’s so many tips and account and everyone

Katy 46:24
wants to give you their advice. And I’m like, I’m all good. Thanks.

Alissa 46:28
Thank you. Thank you. So guy. Yeah, thank

Katy 46:31
you for sharing. That’s wonderful. Like I remember being in the Babies R Us when I was doing my registry. You don’t need that. Or Yes, random strangers. I’m like, Are you for real right now? I don’t even know you don’t even did I did not act. There is a more than enough information if I wanted it. Yeah. And then you’re just going to give me unsolicited information. People are so bold when you’re pregnant. When you have a baby. Not just bold, like hey, can I hold your bait like weird stuff like that? Also, they want to tell you oh, well, you know that baby shouldn’t have a pacifier anymore. Right. Okey dokey. Okay, I’m

Alissa 47:08
sure if you won’t. with it.

Katy 47:10
What did you eat for lunch? You want me to help you with your order? Yeah. Me and like we can all live our own little lives but it’s just I feel like comparison creeps. Because then your kids come home with the packet of with the packet of Valentine’s and you’re like some of them you’re like, What in the actual world Pinterest exploded in this bag. And I’m so impressed. But I’m also like, my kids are not noticing this now. It’s only the it’s just like the realtors putting their announcements in the paper for and then other realtors see it? Yeah, the Pinterest moms are just putting it out there for the other Pinterest moms right? If you love Pinterest, and you like to do crap, do you? Yeah, live it up. But it is not a requirement. And I think that we’ve gotten a little overboard with the required things that we think we need to do. The kids are like, where’s the sucker that’s all I want? Yeah, like I don’t care about a picture off of you. I’m gonna tear up this paper. They just want that soccer hand addressed and made and fancy fun and put an extra blah blah, blah. No, give me the sucker just don’t care and they won’t. Regardless of it, they care. They will remember it they won’t. They will not remember it sometimes when I’m like struggling with that. I’ll just be like how would a man do this? Like they would be like oh, I don’t know. I just threw like a bag handful of peppermints in the bag and

Alissa 48:34
good luck, buddy party favor

Katy 48:37
right Valentine paid for the party. They don’t need a favor. Right? Right. Like this. So because because they will bring you right back down to earth real fast. Like that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. I’m like, Oh no, but it’s cute. They like it. Do they?

Alissa 48:51

Katy 48:54
and that’s okay if that’s all you ever wanted to do was be a mom and do that. Well, perfect.

Alissa 48:59
And it’s like we need those moms because like dumb other room Mom, do we in this situation? I do the other room mom, which she does the cute. See? She’s so cute and crafty. Right? So when we had to decorate your like coming week on you, girl. She knew what to do, but I can follow directions. So she made the balloon arch and I installed it. You know, like, you’re like I’m a good soldier. Yes. I cannot envision what you’re talking about. But just tell me what to do. Yeah,

Katy 49:30
that’s you’re right. It takes all kinds. It takes all kinds. Yeah. Okay, so

Unknown Speaker 49:35
I don’t think I have any.

Katy 49:36
Do you have any last quotes any other I think I got all my quotes done.

Alissa 49:42
Now the last one, you ready for our closing before you have a closing quote? You are enough. You have enough. You do enough. That’s enough.

Katy 49:51
That’s enough. That’s enough. What a great day. Right? Let’s do a toast from our friends at Nordics. Perfect. Okay, bye

Speaker 3 50:00
Hi, this is Jodi Littlefield with again delta team Clark real estate in Reno, Nevada. And I am toasting my team. My team is amazing. My mentors Christina Adolfo, and all the women on our team and John, Mr. John, who does all of our dirty work for that. Work Orders and secure unis making sure we’re safe when we go out and show have our showings. But I just wanted to say thank you so much. You guys are amazing. You guys are a family. And there’s no brokerage at all, like the Gandalf team. God out thank you so much. Thank

Alissa 50:38
you so much for tuning in to the hustle humbly podcast.

Katy 50:41
If you enjoy this episode, please go to rate this podcast.com/hustle humbly and leave us a review or drop a comment if you’re listening on Spotify. If

Alissa 50:48
you have an episode topic or someone you’d like to toast on the show, please email us at team at hustle humbly podcast.com

Katy 50:56
Find us on social media at hustle humbly podcast. Don’t forget to find all of the free resources at hustle humbly podcast.com/resources See you next week.

Two Realtors fostering community over competition through light-hearted conversations.



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