“Never mix business with pleasure.” Isn’t that how the saying goes? BUT you’ve listened to the show before and you know we work our database/sphere as our primary source of business. So, do you have to kick Aunt Karen off the list and give up on any hope of working with your friends and family? Absolutely not! Unless Aunt Karen is not very nice, in which case, peace out Karen you aren’t wanted here. In this episode we discuss the importance of how you approach getting business from your friends and family and how to get through a transaction successfully while preserving your personal relationship. We also talk about real life examples of how to stay professional and why it is so important. Want the people closest to you to be your biggest business cheerleaders? We are going to tell you how!

The following is a rough transcript provided by Otter.ai.

0:36
Episode 165. Working with friends and family

1:20
There’s two parts of this. How do you get them to work with you? And how do you logistically work with them?

5:53
I think that there’s a lot there is a lot of pressure with working with friends and family, you’re more self conscious about, you know, are they okay? Are they happy? And you know, are they telling mom that they don’t feel like I’m doing a good job, you know, like, it’s more, it’s more personal. But I think the good news is that I was making all these notes and doing all this research. And then at the end, it was really quite simple. You just do the same thing, you do the same thing, the same thing. You use your systems, your systems are there for a reason to guide you through the process and to let you know what information they need, at what time by making sure they get the proper emails with the information they need. If you work your system, and you treat them like any other client, you’ll be fine.

6:47
There’s two parts of this right, getting them to work with you. And then how you logistically work with them. Yeah, so the only time that I, I don’t struggle with this, because I’m a pretty direct person. But that’s a big thing. My dad is the ultimate he cracks me up because I cannot even imagine seeing him without me like, hey, that house around the corner and blah, blah, blah, how much is that house and I have just gotten in the habit of being sorry, man, not on the clock. Like, I’m not gonna get out my phone and look it up for you. You’re not trying to buy it. You can Google this, like you just want it. He thinks I’m like his personal Zillow. It doesn’t bother me at all. I think it’s hilarious. Yeah. But when he asked me, I’m just like, when he thinks of real estate, he thinks of you that, right? Yeah, he has used me to buy and sell real estate. So it’s fine. He’s technically a client, but it also just is like, I don’t have any problems saying, hey, I can get that for you tomorrow. Or hey, will you shoot me an email? So I don’t forget to look that up. It’s just fine. Right? He’s not upset. I’m not upset. Yeah, but I’m like, dude, really? Still with this? And this is his go to for years would be he would call text email in person say, hey, how much is that house around the corner on Main Street? Now? It’d be like, it’s $250,000. What? That’s totally wrong. That isn’t worth more than $150,000. I’d be like, seriously, okay. Okay. Are you planning to buy this, you know, conversation over doesn’t need to bother you at all. I didn’t price it. Like this is on you to talk to you later. So I think you just have to also think you have to be aware of not every relationship with every member of your friend and family is the same. No, I Yes. If you’re not capable of delivering message like their spoon in your teeth to your friend or family, then you can’t list their house, right? Because you’re gonna have to tell them. This dirty carpet has to be cleaned. Or this, you know, rotten eave has to be changed.

8:52
What’s interesting is I had a friend that called me one time to list her home and I was like, no problem. I’d be happy to help. I just need to come and see what Ron need to do to get it. She’s like, you’ve been in my house a million times. I said, I have never looked at it as if I was going to take photos. I don’t judge. I don’t I want that for dinner. Right? I’m

9:10
in a social setting. Right? Do you want me to they’re trying to

9:13
like really fit? I’m like, Yeah, I don’t go into each house and be like, oh, we need to declutter, and we need to stay. I said, if you came into my house right now, it is not ready for photo show.

9:23
Ready? No. Why would it be you live there?

9:26
I think that takes the pressure off. Like they’re like, Oh, they’re kind of relieved to hear that. You know, really?

9:32
I think that it’s the other thing is that let’s go back to the beginning. Okay. I don’t think especially as a new agent, but no matter where you are in your career, you can’t expect that your friends and family are going to work with you. You cannot put out the vibe that they’re obligated to work with you now is your mom or your sister probably going to feel obligated to work with you. Probably because they don’t want to hurt your feelings, right? Yeah, like they want to have a pot And they want to support you. But when you’re new, and maybe they have a long standing, you know, previous relationship with an agent that they love, they’re also having to like break up with someone else. That’s going to make them feel. But I think we can’t come into this. And a lot of new agents I find get really upset when their friends and family don’t use them. And I just feel like you cannot, it is a professional relationship, you can’t assume that these people are going to work with you. I think that you have to ask for them to work with you and be considered like in an interview style. Hey, I know you’re about to sell your house. I know you have a previous relationship with Susy the realtor, I would love to be interviewed for the job as well. I don’t want you feel obligated to use me. But I would like the opportunity to represent you. I mean, like, why can’t you approach it like that? Sure. Can we talk about it?

10:49
I have a friend that I She helps me with some aspects of, of certain things in my business. She’s not a realtor. But anyway, I was going to list her house, right. And so we were doing the photos. And she said, I have to tell you, like I emailed or called or whatever she did my other agent that sold us this house to just let her know, right? Hey, you know, I actually help this. I have a relationship with this person. And so I’m using and she said she was so kind let’s go and said she totally understood and that she would keep the house in mind for buyers. And I could, Agent Yes, I could see the relief on her face. Like I’m just so glad that’s over. I wasn’t sure how

11:35
it would go because she didn’t want to hurt her that person’s feelings either. Yeah. And I knew the agent.

11:39
So I was kind of like, Oh, she is really good. You know. And then when I listed the house, she shared it. She commented when it’s sold, she was like congratulations. I mean, what a great inspiration and right person to look at to be like, This is how you handle rejection. Yeah, you can’t take it personally. And she’s lucky she got a call, right? Most people don’t call to tell you either

12:02
bag rejected or like, wait, I just saw that. You’re there’s probably Facebook friends. Your house. Why didn’t you call me right. At least she got a heads up. She did that was kind of your client as well. I mean, they didn’t have to do that. Oh, my gosh. Well, I think that’s what happens though. Yeah. You can’t expect that people everyone. Oh, that was? Why do I feel like that was in the last episode we did when the agent said that everyone there knew. And everyone they know knows five agents? Well, they probably do. They may have even worked with one right? Like, now you’ve got to earn their business. You don’t just get it because you happen to be their sister or their cousin. Let’s get further outside of your bubble. Yeah. You know, like an acquaintance from school?

12:48
Well, I had a client that I was actively helping, okay. And then they kind of went silent for a bit. And you know, obviously check it. And then she posted on Facebook, that we bought a house and why. And I just reached out and said, Hey, congratulations. You know, of course, I have to ask if there’s anything I did wrong. I just want to make sure that they’re like they’re my brothers. And they were like, No, we and they’re really like sweet, but like maybe too sweet. Like they needed to say right? They said that they freaking clicked on a Zillow link. And the guy that that was the receiver was very aggressive. And told them well, yes, we’re actually like the listing agent so we can get a discount and this and this and she said we didn’t know what to do. He was very much like house three o’clock today to see this house. And next thing you know, we’re buying it and she was like, I wanted to call you the whole time and I just didn’t know what to do. We got too far into it. But it just made me feel better to know. Okay, and now she doesn’t have to feel awkward. Right? Right. Because I never met a spell that hey, I want you to feel awkward right around me. This was a friend of yours that you’d worked with before I met her because she was my client. But I had I had they bought and sold with me and I bought Okay, the house they were currently in. So that was three transactions. And we were discussing selling that one and buying the next one. Right. And so and we were like Facebook, Instagram friends, we have kids the same age.

14:24
I like we’re friends. Yeah.

14:26
I mean, yeah. So it just kind of happened. You know, sometimes it’s an accident. Sometimes it’s on purpose. You right? There’s all sorts of reasons you

14:36
just never know. I think that when you’re new part of it, too, when you’re trying to earn their business. It’s like are you sharing with them what you’re learning what you’re doing? How are you training? Are you just like I got my license, and then they’re just supposed to assume you know, like, you have to be pretty vocal, I think with the people around you to like for them to see what you’re doing and I think maybe approach it the way calm How’d you approach your career? Like you’re not going to sell anything for six months? You know, you better have your reserves ready, maybe approach it as my bike. My friends and family are not going to work with me for two years. Yeah. And they do great. I expect them to but I want to be so kind. And so understanding of them of the ones that do buy in those two years and don’t use me, because later on they will use you,

15:25
y’all. This happened to me so much my first few years, where I would see that someone I was friends with bought or sold, and I and it may have you so in the beginning, I even did a bunch of you know, Facebook messages, handwritten letters, the postcards, like hey, I’m, I’m in real estate. Now, if you ever get to the point where you’re ready to buy, I’d love to help you. I message that to a lot of people that I was friends with. So it’s like people I had asked, and then they use someone else and go, and I will not lie. I it took me a while to understand I really didn’t have a lot of guidance either on how to handle these emotions topic. Yeah, because it feels personal and felt very personal. Like, are

16:10
you supposed to support me and help me and want me to succeed? If you don’t even use me? How will I ever succeed? That’s

16:16
how it felt. It just felt like yeah, slap in the face, like, I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t gonna make it. And then as those people like your four and five and six, those people were calling me to be their listing agent, you’re like, okay, and I thought, oh my gosh, it’s all coming back around. They

16:35
weren’t trying to say you’re never gonna be good. They were like, you’re just not right for me now. Right? And I think that if you go into those first few years thinking of it that way, like if you get a friend or family you better treat them like the like, the most professionally better. Really don’t Wow, the steps. Well, here’s

16:54
the thing. I think they are expecting the friend deal, right? No, you know, it’s funny because my cousin does hair. And sometimes I’m like, when I go get my hair cut. She’s like, can you draw your own hair? I’m like, Yeah, I don’t mind. She’s squeezing me in usually right doing me a favor pay Sure. But I don’t mind drying my own hair. Right? Um, I’m also not paying her full price. So Right. It’s like, fair, I’ll drive my own hair all fair. But it’s like, what if your client what have you told your your sibling like? Yeah, um, just let me know when you want to say house?

17:24
Right? Like they buy your console? No. Yeah, your normal process?

17:28
No route. No buyer rules? No. But I think that, you know, always get back to the example of when I saw at the time a few years ago, that a friend of mine was doing website design. And I was like, I should probably do that. And I just thought to like, I was helping her right. You know, I didn’t even realize how successful she was. Yeah. And when I reached out, she was like, absolutely. And then she sent me this beautiful package, right? You’re like, oh, and I thought, Whoa, this is legit. Yeah, it was like a inspiration package where she wanted me to do all these things so that she could learn what kind of things inspire me excite me so that she could design my website. And I just thought, this is legit, I’m very impressed. She sent me an invoice through her financial system. And from the beginning to the end, I just felt like this was very professional, right? It didn’t muddy water. Because

18:26
it’s also easy to compartmentalize your professional relationship in your personal relationship, when you treat that whole process in the same way you would have with any client, right? Did you do your full, you know, seller console? Did you bring your folder? Did you bring your documents? Did you walk them through? Right? Did you walk them through the house? Did you like? Or are you using the exact same process as you would with a total stranger? If so, then you’re gonna have a professional experience. They’re going to have a professional experience, just like you did with your friend. And then it’s not going to crossover. Right? We’re doing this now. And then, outside of those hours, we can be friends. It kind

19:07
of goes back to that episode, we did be the boss. Oh, yeah. Where they’re hiring you, no matter who it is any client, right? Whether it’s a new person, a family, a friend, they’re hiring you. So you don’t go to the dentist and tell them. Listen, this is what we need to do today. Yeah, like the dentist tells you, right? And so it’s our job to say awesome, you want to buy a house, the first thing that we have to do is get with a lender and figure out the budget. We have to know that before we can do anything else. And here’s how we do that. You know, do you need guidance here? Ask these questions when you go make sure you understand the monthly note, etc. And then all of a sudden, they’re from the get go. Yeah, they’re like, Wow, this is gonna be the real deal. This isn’t gonna be the friend package. That’s gonna be the real veil. I know and sometimes that can come With confidence, yeah, but the good thing is, if you have systems in place, whether you’re confident or not, right, you just do this system. Yeah, you just send the appropriate email, you send the pre listing checklist like you do your systems. Yeah. Because your systems are there for even when you maybe aren’t on your A game,

20:23
right there to help you not leave something out. Correct. And to make sure they follow the rules and do what they need to do. I mean, exactly. I have bad news. Okay. You’re not gonna like this. I’m ready. I googled, should I work with my binary to? Awful was awful. It was awful. So here’s the thing.

20:47
According to Google, the answer is no

20:51
firm. No, never. No, no. Here’s all the reasons why. But the number one article I saw when on the Google search I did was should I use my friend or family member as my realtor? Okay. And the number one article was from your friend,

21:10
Dave Ramsey. Oh, really? Do you see this one? No. Well, oh, he’s all about don’t use Aunt Sue.

21:17
Well, in this particular article, which I also found to be offensive in a lot of ways. He used the term and Karen and I all know what it means to be a Karen right. So he automatically gave the most do I think Dave wrote this article. No, but someone that works for Dave surely did. Yeah. And they used Karen, so the most controversial name they could pick as

21:42
your aunt is a realtor doesn’t mean she’s a bad realtor. No, you may have a rock star as well. So he

21:48
did address that okay in there. But no, don’t worry, you shouldn’t in Dave’s eyes, and you should never, never. And he says let me find it. There were four reasons why you should not be using them as your agent. I’m not even give you the four reasons why. Because it was like, Well, you know, one reason which I thought was decent, they may not be able to tell you the truth, like they may, you know, feel uncomfortable giving you difficult news, I completely agree with that tip. So as an agent, you just need to be able to get past that with your friend, family clients. He said, they have access to your personal and financial information. And that’s why you should never use them. And that is a

22:34
bold lie, it is a lie. And maybe that’s why you shouldn’t use them as your mortgage lender right in there. 100%. So get in your business,

22:43
for sure. So I wanted to make sure that I pointed out to you listener, friends. This is the message you need to be putting out with your friends and family. Hey, I know financial discussions can be private, and you might not want to use me as your agent. Good news, I have no access to your personal or financial information unless you want to share it with me all I have to know and the lender is allowed to tell me is that you are approved and what you want to spend? Sure, I don’t even have to know if you’re approved for more than that. Just that you’re approved for that and what you want to say I

23:18
just need to know your personal budget. Yeah, I don’t see your bank accounts. I don’t see any of that.

23:24
So I just felt like that was really interesting, though, that that’s what the information they’re getting when they go on Google. And at the end of the article, there was not a super secret number five. But if I had to add a number five tip reason why Dave didn’t want you to use your family to use his because he wants to make 30% of the commission. Yeah, whatever it is off of the transaction. And you know what the last part was? Find a rockstar Dave agent, I wanted to just punch my hand through the computer screen, you cracked me up that that upset you? It made me so angry, like next level angry. And I was just like, because it wasn’t true, it would have been fine. If everything he said was accurate, then I would have been like, you know what? It’s true. That’s fine. And this is your business. Right? But he’s marketing his agent, right? You’re basically saying that I have to give my personal and financial information to my agent and that why would you want to do that? That’s so embarrassing.

24:18
Yeah. You know, you’re transferring their common myth like there are probably things where if someone is thinking of working you with you asking them Do you have any concerns about Yeah, working with me? I know we’re friends. So I don’t want it to be awkward. Do you have any so it kind of goes back to always say, if you find yourself wondering, right, is my seller angry? Is my buyer looking elsewhere? Pick up the phone. Just an ask just as that’s you know, when you have we’re getting into a market where listings are going to sit a little bit longer, right? Whether it’s a family friend or a new seller, being able to say Hey, mister seller I know that hey, Alyssa, Katie,

25:02
do we mentioned almost every episode

25:05
popped up email templates?

25:09
After every time we mentioned an email template, do you know what we get

25:13
email? Copies? Like that, that sounds great can you do with a good berry a lot of conference, you can get all of our blood good from our polite email templates, one I want it’s all about it aren’t messengers, or has all of the email templates you would need to send to your buyers and your sellers and your clients that are buying selling at the same time, exactly, to get through every step of the transaction and giving them information that they need for where they are in the transaction. And it’s great, because you never forget to tell them something. Yes, I’ve already done all the work that you wrote them. And I can personalize them. Yes. And just feel organized. I know. You have all the information where it needs to

25:56
be an ad purchase email templates, 101. You do get lifetime access. So occasionally, we like to go in and make updates based on what you’re good or if we find a new best practice. So we put that right into there. And you get that updated straightaway.

26:10
Just go straight to your core.

26:15
Don’t have to worry about emailing

26:18
data. That’s right. Where can they find these email templates? How you can find the

26:22
email to see the email. I just wanted templates with an S one Oh, one.com. No

26:27
email templates. One Oh, one.com. Yes. Head over for ribbon. All of the specifics, wonderful. Nobody enjoys because you will if you want to get pre approved, we can Yeah. And should never shake out. She never did. And so no, thank you. Then she ended up buying a house without you without me. But it was in her spouse’s. Her spouse had someone on that network. Yes. Got it. So her spouse got pre approved and used his realtor got it and bought a house. Okay. So it was honestly, it was fine. Fine. I had no regrets. Yeah, I actually felt very at peace thinking. This is why we have boundaries, right? Like this is a good thing, because I’m okay. There are lots

27:17
of people in your circle that thank you love looking at houses. Maybe you’ve said it. Maybe you haven’t. But they think they’re doing us some sort of favor if they want to go looky loo. Some houses, right? Well, hey, let’s go look at houses know what you do all day? Don’t you need to fill up your time? Nope. No, but

27:34
that is? That is what a lot of people do think. Right. But it’s your job to open doors. And I’m like, No, I’m not a door opener. I’m

27:43
not getting paid by the hour, either. Or maybe your friends and family don’t even understand how you get paid.

27:48
I think a lot of people don’t. And it goes back to us being the boss and saying, This is how this works, right.

27:54
And it’s just some weird vibe, where we’re afraid to say how it works. Because we think that it’s like taboo, like it’s tacky for you to be like, Hey, I don’t actually get paid until you buy or sell a house. Like at closing. So as much as I’d love to spend Saturday with you just chill around town looking at houses, you got to get pre approved because this is my business. Sure. And I can’t maybe there’s a pre approved buyer that I won’t have time for if I’m just running the roads with you.

28:23
Right. And if you’re serious, we got to get prepared.

28:26
It is what it is a big deal.

28:28
I think that I feel like there’s so many stories, I’ll ask this, pertaining to this. This was a friend. We’ve been friends a long time, I’ve helped them through multiple transactions. And I sold her the home that she’s in now. And she reached out to me to talk about selling it, which was no problem I know that this house will sell. But I just kept saying we have to figure out a plan for where you’re going. Yeah. Because the budgets very tight on the buying side. Okay. And we actually she actually did speak with a lender who said, she’s not pre approved right now, at a point that she would be able to find a home, okay, like, she’s got some homework to do. Okay. She didn’t like that. She did not like to hear that. And I said, I understand. And she said, well, then I’ll just sell it and find somewhere to rent. Okay, I said, Great. We could definitely do that. Why don’t you call a few places and make sure you’re good with the monthly rent rate? Because rents have gone up a lot and it’s higher than your mortgage. I was basically telling her I don’t think you and I told her this. I said I don’t think you realize that the house you’re in and the monthly note that you have is it going to be very hard to be Yeah, very hard to write. And, you know, it just wasn’t what she wanted to hear. But she she thought okay, yeah, that’s that’s probably smart. I should probably know where I’m going and then you cannot be homeless, right? So we were having this hole, you’re like you can’t with me. And here, here’s what I say, every time I work with friends or family, I’m not just this is something I say to all my clients, right? I have to understand the whole vision. Yeah, before we can do anything, right. So I don’t want you to think I’m trying to, like get in your business or, you know, be difficult because you’re my friend. If you were a client off the street, my number one question would be is, do you have a family that you can stay with? Right? Do you have a backup plan? If your house sells I’m not concerned about selling your house? So we can do that? Yeah. But I think you need to understand where do you go? Because you’ll have 30 days to vacate. Right. And I don’t want you crying to me later saying you have nowhere to go. Right. And that was definitely going to happen. That was the that was good. That’s where this road was headed. Yes to tears. And so then next thing I know, because I live kind of in the area, there’s a sign in her yard. And I didn’t say anything. I just my first I kind of had like a like, that kind of stinks. But then I was like, it’s fine, right? I can’t I can’t handle that responsibility. Oh, I can’t want to make the decisions for her. No. And so. And I was like, I’m sure it’s gonna fly off the shelf. Well, it didn’t fly off the shelf. And three months later, there was a new saw another agent. Yeah. I thought this is so strange. So I got rejected. I did. And so I also in this again, can go towards if a friend list with somebody else. You need to be the one the bigger person right to extend the olive branch. Hey, I

31:48
see you listed your house. I hope it goes well. Yes.

31:52
Let me know if you ever basically but I did question or heavy her and said, Hey, I saw you know your home has been on the market. I just wanted to check on you and make sure you were good. And she was like, Yes, I’m sorry. I just felt like I’ve been so needy is what she said, I’ve been so needy. And I didn’t want to, you know, bother you and I said Well, listen, you’re never a bother, right? I’m always here for you. And please don’t end up homeless. That’s what I said. That was the end. She said, that’s what I’m so scared about then so it let me know. There is still no plan, no plan, which would be very stressful. And for you if you had listed it. Yes. And I just I am very relieved. Right. That’s the situation. And you know what? This all happened? Because I stuck to my boundaries. Yes. This happened because I was like, we need to make sure you have a plan. Yeah, for after we sell your home. Well, I’m kind of a mess.

32:56
I think I would have been like you want to sell your house fine.

32:59
I think I just knew the situation. So I was like we just sure. Okay, that was also in

33:04
Dave’s article, which I think is probably a correct tip that your friend or family member as your agent maybe knows a little too much about you and your situation and may then guide you accordingly. Like they know your kids make a mess in the living room and you were wanting to play room but then the house you find us never play room. You might be like, Oh, you really wanted that play room? Yeah. Which I was like, Yeah, I can see that. And the same thing. You kind of knew the whole situation. So you were more adamant about that. Where are you going peace because you kind of saw the writing on the wall. Now.

33:38
I don’t know why she fired agent number one. What if she fired me?

33:43
That would have been even more

33:44
awkward. Yeah. So there’s just right thing right that happen?

33:50
I had some ideas on ways to get your friends and family on board with your new real estate career and then potentially wanting to use you know, that’d be good. Okay, number one, ask them if you could send them or just send them a practice CMA. Yeah. Hey, Mom, I know you’re not going anywhere. I’m doing practice. CMAs I want to just do I’m gonna send you over one showing the current value of your house. Let me know if you have questions. I’d love to practice talking people through the report. Perfect. Oh, yes. Your mom’s gonna be like, Suze. Look at this professionally delivered report. And then you know what, even though you know, your mom isn’t going anywhere. She’s gonna refer you to someone else. She’s

34:30
gonna feel a lot more confident giving your name out. Yep. Okay,

34:34
next one ideas for you know, approaching your friends and family and giving them that professional vibe. Ask them for vendors to start your list.

34:42
Oh, yeah. Hey,

34:43
dad. Have you used a plumber or an electrician? Tile guy? Look, these are all the people I’m trying to fill in. Do you have when you love I’d love to put some people on there that I know have been vetted by people I trust like my friends and family. Yeah. Oh, you don’t say? I’ll share the list back with you and I Get it all filled out. Huh? Oh, okay. Yeah, I do like my electrician. It’s Tim, whatever, you know. Yeah. It’s so non pressuring, not Mom and Dad, can you tell Aunt Carol to use me? Because I know she’s about to sell her house because she’s moving to Florida and please, yeah, why don’t you so let’s do though the vendor list. Okay. And also it shows them that you value your opinion about their field. Listen, y’all. Most everyone, you know, either owns a house or has some information about the housing industry. They all have an opinion and previous experiences. Instead of you being like, No, I’m the agent and you don’t know what you’re talking about. Maybe listen to them and be like, Oh, you had what problem happened with your AC? Tell me about it. I want to learn as much as I can about houses. Yeah. Okay. And things that happen in houses. So treat them as a learning experience and a tool. The last thing I had was, why don’t you ask your friends and family? Hey, I know you own your home. So you’ve used an agent previously? Can you tell me what you did? Or did not like about them? Like like that? Just give me some past real estate stories? Did you feel like it was a stressful transaction? smooth transaction? Would you use them again? Why? And that also just kind of opens that real real estate dialogue?

36:22
Yeah, like that. And you might get some good advice. It’s perfect. Okay,

36:26
so like crowdsource that information from your friends and family. Okay. What else do you have? Um,

36:38
I think it just, you know, it can take practice, learning how to speak confidently. Yeah. And just being sure that you stick to what you know, right? And being okay, like you were saying to listen to them? And if it’s something you don’t know, saying, Wow, that’s actually a really good question. Let me chat with my broker and see when the best answer would be for that. Yeah. Kind of like you were saying not to be a no at all. And feeling like you have to overly prove yourself. Yeah, please

37:07
don’t do that. Just it’s not necessary. And I think they’re going to respect you more. If you’re like, I’m in a learning phase. I want to learn from you. I’m going to learn from the people I have, you know, in my real estate community, I’m learning and so I’m not assuming I know everything and how to do this.

37:24
I also get like, a little sad when I see realtors that are that let boundaries just totally go. Because it’s a friend or family member. Because yeah, maybe maybe my my aunt is buying a house. And so we talk about it. And but and then at night, we’re talking about, you know, the bachelor, right? But then she’s like, oh, did you see this house just popped up? And it’s like, listen, and it’s fine to respond. You’re not, it’s not like, you’re gonna be like, oh, sorry, I don’t talk about real estate after seven. Don’t do that. That’s really here. But you also don’t need to be the one that every time there’s a showing you go get the cat out their house, and oh my god, things like, times, we just, we go too far. And it makes you look desperate instead of

38:14
professional. Yes. Right.

38:17
So those having the boundaries stay, right. And that goes for any client, if I have a client texting me, and we’re actively talking about something non real estate related, and they switch over, I’m not gonna just not respond anymore, right.

38:34
They know you’re drinking your wine and watching The Bachelor. Yeah, it’s like you’re not that busy, right? But I think that we, I’m really like nervous. I know. We’ve talked about boundaries since the very beginning of the podcast, but boundaries have become like this hot topic. And I’m now really weirded out when we start talking about boundaries, because I think there are people who use it as like this very black and white that my boundaries cannot, cannot sway at all. I don’t care if you text me at 7pm and I’m doing nothing. I will not respond. And I’m going to be so angry that you even texted me. Why are you respecting my boundaries? Like

39:13
y’all, it goes back to them taking it personal to you. Personally that they asked you a

39:20
question takes them like a nanosecond to respond and be like, I’ll get that for you in the morning. Yeah, the end. They’ve been responded to you haven’t gotten all in a tizzy about it, screenshot it, send it to your email, pretend like it didn’t happen.

39:34
Yeah, it’s fine. movil happens all the time. But the boundaries

39:37
are good to keep you professional. They’re not good to like use as an excuse not to work, or to not be respectful of people if someone reaches out to you with something at an inappropriate time, but you can quickly say, hey, I’ll get that for you later tomorrow. Can I get that for you next week? I mean, oh, sure. No problem. I don’t want to bother you like most people are not trying to be be pushy, rude or like aggressive?

40:02
Yeah. And I think the biggest thing is if it is a situation where you’ve been rejected you being the one that’s big enough to swallow your pride and say, Hey, I just want to wish you the best of luck, right? I’m here if you need anything, why couldn’t you

40:17
also say I know I’m new and now might not have the experience you’re looking for right now. But in a few years, I hope we get to work together.

40:23
I love that. Why can’t you say that be perfect? It’s so

40:27
easy. Okay, I want to talk about referring Okay. referrers referrals from your friends and family. There’s going to be members of your friends and family like your mom or your sister who are going to feel obligated to use you. We’ve already talked about this. They may not also then become your number one refer. They might use you. Everything’s fine. They not every client that you have family and friend or stranger is a referral type. Okay, so some people are like, Yeah, I used you It went fine. Everything’s great, but I’m not gonna give shout from the rooftop that Katie was my agent and she did an amazing job. Yeah, right. If I hear the guy at work saying he’s moving, I’ll just be like, okay, good. Look. Not everyone is a referrer that’s just not their nature. Yeah, but some might my my two best friends. When I got my real estate license, have always instilled to this day Ben my like, biggest advocates biggest refers like would get, like fiercely loyal, I would get so upset if someone tried to use another agent, like my sister in law that unfortunately no longer lives locally because she was a great refer, would like I sold houses to all the teachers at school. And if somebody was trying to like she would never think of using someone else she would certainly never for sale by owner when I think about other best friend who even now is like for sale by owner. Why would anyone do that? I can’t even believe you need a professional and I’m just like those. So like, I guess what I’m trying to say is there gonna be people in your sphere that are gonna like, be loyal and refer you and lean into that and feel good about that. And then there’s going to be people that use you and don’t refer you and they’re going to people that don’t even use you not we cannot blanket cover these people as whatever. Sure. My mom even referred me to the lady the teller at the bank that she went to for work every week. So like they saw each other regularly. And I sold the bank teller, Oh, how I love that was early in my career. So they’re gonna be people who are your advocates and look, just deepen those relationships, say thank you show them, you know how professional you are, because they’re gonna talk about you, and they’re gonna sell you. And so I think that it’s just nice when you have a family member. Yeah, or a friend. That’s a good referrer.

42:48
And I also think a lot of people just don’t think about it. I’m kind of that way unless you specifically asked me do you have this right? You’re not gonna buy it and tell me about it. Yeah, but, but for example, it kind of goes back to when I was a newer agent, and I was kind of in a funk. And I was sitting at home not working. Yeah. And the grass. Oh, gosh, please tell the story. He knocked on the door. And I was not I was in like my pajamas. Still. It was like new. You’re like, I’m a no, I’m such a loser. And I thought, why is he knocking on the door? And so I opened the door and pretended like I was homesick. And I was like, hey, was the check. They’re like, I thought maybe yeah, I left the check under the mat. He was like, and he was so nervous. I realized all of a sudden, and I was like, He’s Oh, yeah, no, no, yeah, I got the check was there. I just wanted to see if maybe you wanted to share my information with any of your neighbors. And if I get any new clients from it, I will be happy to do a free cut for you. And I thought, Oh, look how cute he is. He’s so nervous, you know, right. And I thought, yeah, I would, I would love to do that. And he right. Okay, well, well, here’s a few business cards. And I was like, okay, okay. Yeah, I’d love to. And so the first thing I did when he left was I got on my computer and I went to our subdivision Facebook group, and I said, Hey, this guy cuts our grass he has for a long time if you need grass cut, right? If he got, like, so many, because he’s like, already in the neighborhood, you know? And he was so thankful. But it was just this light bulb moment of aha, this is how it works. Right? You humbly ask for the referrals. And that’s what I do like to do the handwritten letters. Yeah, at the mid year and it goes to everyone. Yeah, you know, hey, if you’re, if you know of anyone looking to buy or sell, please send them my way. I’d be happy to help them. I have, you know, some open spots for the second half of the year. You’re right, let them know you’re available. Yes, you take referrals. You appreciate referrals. And yeah, I mean, you have to ask sometimes have that,

45:08
right? You have to be there and available and remind them that you’re not just given this, like you’re really doing this thing sometimes to your family, depending on your history is like, well, this is the third career you’ve been through. Yeah, is this gonna stick or we know too much about your past, we’re not gonna like get really invested. But if you keep pursuing it, and keep including them in those letters, include them and asking for referrals and include them in the learning that you’re doing. Eventually, this just takes time.

45:37
I was just about to say, unfortunately, writing one letter doesn’t work. Don’t do it. It’s when you know, that’s why I liked when we were new, our company, on behalf of us, like paid for us to send 200 postcards. Yes. Now that required us to have 200 names and address. Yeah, so that was like the perfect motivation to kind of jumpstart my database. And then my broker was like, okay, yeah, we’re gonna do this and pay for it for you. But it’s up to you, you. Are you gonna follow up with these people? Yeah, like maybe wait two or three months, and then write them all a letter or send them a Facebook message or give them a call? You know, we’re starting it but you have to one postcard is not going to be a good answer. Have you

46:26
ever had, especially early on a friend or family member, use another realtor? And then be like, Oh, I totally forgot you are selling real estate.

46:33
I don’t know if I’ve ever had anyone tell me. Because you were

46:37
so good about reaching out. I’ve totally had

46:39
someone when I was new. Social media was there. Yeah. You know, you started without social media story.

46:45
I mean, I have definitely had a friend or family member be like, Oh, God, I just totally forgot. Yeah,

46:51
I was like, Oh, I’m

46:52
doing. I’m doing a terrible job. But it could happen. Like you have to keep putting that message out there.

46:59
Now, I’ve gotten a call before like, Hey, are you still in real estate? You’re Yeah. And I’m like, Are you living under a rock?

47:05
Are you not on my database? Right. What?

47:08
How did this happen? I think that’s the equivalent of

47:11
are you taking clients? Yeah. You know, like, are you still in real estate is like the go to?

47:16
Do you want to work with me? Right? Because you they’re giving you an out, right? Like, no, I’m not.

47:21
I don’t want I don’t want to do it. No, thank you. Have you ever had to deny a friend or family member that you didn’t want to work with?

47:29
I had? Well, the family member that I was insistent get pre approved. I knew it wasn’t going to happen. Yeah. So that was kind of a you write you you push the prayer. I knew, right. Yeah. Okay. But so I’ve never had to fire anyone? No, um, at one point, I did have one that was like wanting, wanting, wanting to buy and it just, I did not understand. I just didn’t really understand what you’re doing. And I said, Listen, I know it’s my job to sell houses. But it but and I’m telling you this not because I’m related to you. But because whenever I work with a client, I need to understand right what we’re doing. So can you help me understand this? Like, why? Why this? And she would say something, and then I said, but your house now is this? Yeah, but I think we want this okay, but can you tell me this or that? And again, no matter if this was yeah, you know, my mom or whoever? I have the same questions. Right. And at the end it ended with? Yeah, I don’t think that makes any sense. Maybe they don’t need to buy you know, maybe it’s okay to actually stay. Wait. I did have I feel like I only have failure stories. So I apologize.

48:52
I’m like the tailor the bank teller. Yeah, you’re like and then this happened. And

48:55
then I talked about it by your tell us your story. I did. I did have one recently that they were looking. I had a friend that said, Listen, I’m sending them to you. It was her relative. It was she’s a dear dear friend. I told them you were the best of the best. I was like, great, wonderful. They were like, I told them, You know, I want them with someone that’s going to take like excellent care of them. So I was like, great, wonderful. And then they came to me and they were looking in the area that like I don’t go you’re like I like kind of almost past it. You’re like this is very unnatural. Well, you I had a weak moment. Like because she was like really wanting me to help the family member. This is hard. And so I thought maybe you know, things are slowing down like maybe I can like make it work out. And so the first freaking house that they wanted to see. They’re like, Can we meet there at five o’clock? And I’m thinking they’re like I’ve made them and I got to work late, I’m not gonna work. And so I said, Listen, I pick up the kids at four. It’s 50 minutes from my house at that time in this traffic. I cannot get there. I agree that you need to get there. And I’m not ashamed to say to like, sometimes. It was a very difficult price point. Yeah. And I knew that we’re going to have to be at these houses ASAP right away, haven’t flooded. Yeah, because everything in this price range has pretty much flooded. Yeah. And so they’re gonna fly off the shelf. And so I paid an agent that lives in that area to show the house. So I wasted some money. And then the agent called me after it was like, yeah, it was awful. It was awful. Oh, well, I kind of thought it would be because it was the price it was and it didn’t flood. And I saw some things in the photos that are like, this is not I don’t understand, but maybe this is what they’re looking for. So then the second then they kept sending me houses, okay. And I was redoing the research I said, on I was like, Listen, this one has in the disclosure that it flooded twice. This one has flood insurance of like, $3,500 a year, here’s the facts, the so I was rejecting all their choice, all their choices, okay. And they were getting very frustrated. And so then this house came up, and she sent it to me and, and it. It only had one bathroom. And I thought you I was like, Well, you said that, you know, having a really nice master was important to you like two bathrooms. Yeah, but this has other things, whatever. And so another thing that I learned from this, um, and another thing, I we should have picked up the phone and chatted, okay, had heard my voice the times that we did that. I felt so much better. Okay, whenever we were whenever she was like, emailing or texting me a house, and I was responding Hey, sorry, this is why blah, blah, blah. Yeah, it did come off as like I’m rejecting you, right? When I maybe should have picked up the phone and said, Hey, write that house. Bad news, bad news. So that she could she could hear that I care. Right? You can’t? No, no. And then she was kind of like, you know, you’re not really sending me me. And I said,

52:25
Why aren’t there aren’t? Here’s the bad news. Maybe you’re not in me to buy?

52:29
Yeah. Now. She ended up sending me a text and saying, Hey, we’re breaking up. Yeah. She said, I just want to let you know, you know, we have decided to go in another direction. And I said, Listen, I totally understand, right? It’s really not the area that I work. I live so far from there. I felt like I needed to take you as a client because of our relationship. But I, through this experience, I agree. Like I think it’s the best bad. And if you can find someone local that can really just like get there in five minutes and do what you need to do. And then they bought like, super quickly after that. And it was a house that really didn’t meet some of the criteria that I were giving you. You have no, no. And I don’t know the area well enough to know how to like comb through certain subdivisions that might meet. I don’t know. But I do think in that situation. Some more phone calls were necessary. Yeah, like I do feel like but she was kind of like a texter. And so while you should have also probably listened to your gut in the beginning, but that is I should heart is I should happen to navigate when you have a friend or family member who reaches out to you and is like, I think you’re the best. And I want you to help my friend. Yeah. I did call the refer. Okay. And I was fired. Yeah. And said, Listen, I just want to let you know, they are going to work with somebody else. What they’re looking for is very specific. And I live so far from that area that and she was like, Oh my gosh, thank you so much for telling me right, you know, and she was fine. Yo, yeah,

54:14
I’ve had to make that call before. And then the the referrer is like, I’m so sorry. They feel so bad. Or if something goes wrong. Let’s just say it’s their coworker, right? So it’s your friend’s coworker. They refer you yay, you’re working with them. Things are not going well in the transaction or the deal doesn’t go through. The coworker is talking to them about it and is upset or things are going wrong. I’ve had the referrer Call me or text me and be like, Hey, man, I’m so sorry. I sent that person to you. I know things are going really badly. Like, I feel bad that I sent them to you. Yeah, like it’s okay. It’s fine. It’s okay. And I

54:50
think when things are going badly, whether it’s a buyer or seller, you need to be the one that is committed. indicating during that they hate you the most right when it’s going badly and they can’t find you or hear from me, you better be there. If it’s a listing your face is your sign is in their yard. Every day, they’re like, she hasn’t sold my house. But if they hear from you on the regular, they really are like, they have found if they are hearing from you, when they’re talking to others. They say things like, yeah, just the market right now. Or? Yeah, so many people, you know, really wanted at least three bedrooms or two bathrooms. But if it’s not settling, and they haven’t heard from you, they’re like, Yeah, I just don’t know if my agents doing and they’re not doing anything. She’s not doing anything. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard that. So it’s very important that you do not that agent , you need to communicate. And then when you’re working with friends and family, the people they’re talking to know you. Yeah, so it’s like the stakes are a little bit higher,

55:56
right? And if you don’t want everyone in your sphere to think you don’t know what you’re doing, then maybe you don’t maybe you need to just do a really good job. Like think about it that way. Maybe you dodged a bullet if you didn’t get that Aunt Sue’s listing, right? What if it doesn’t sell and it’s a difficult listing and you’re like, you know what, I wouldn’t touch that with a 10 foot pole because everyone’s gonna think I can’t do this. Yeah. Yeah. Anything else on the friends and family? I think

56:22
maybe the end on a positive news. Let’s The good news is if you are operating as a professional now and you have systems in place, you’re gonna be fine. Yeah, just pick up the phone every now and then let them hear your voice. Let them know that you care about them and that you’re doing everything you can to help them.

56:41
Oh, and don’t overshare and complain to your friends and family ever. If they think you hate real estate? Why would they work with you? Why would they send you a referral? They’re gonna be like, Oh, everything you say about real estate is arable

56:58
or you always seem stressed out, right? You always seem too busy. You’re always on your phone. Like can’t get caught up on her birthday because I have more. Yeah. If they if that’s how they how are you portraying yourself right?

57:12
You better be like real estate as though

57:15
Yeah, I can take on new clients if you need Oh, happy. Yeah,

57:21
I know. Because either that or you don’t go fishing in your sphere in your friends and family but

57:27
Keno in the situations you lose out take it as a learning experience. Sure and say, Did I do something wrong? Could I have done something better? Now I need to just extend the olive branch and let them know I’m okay. Even if you’re hurting inside just write you all so that they don’t feel awkward around you. Right?

57:47
Because in five years, they’re gonna want to sell that house. You’re still going to be around.

57:51
So while it’s very different, it’s very muc h the same. Exactly. Just do what you know. Agree.

58:00
Okay, are you ready for a toast? I

58:01
am. This is from

58:02
Oh, Tiffany. What is Tiffany’s last name? That’s a great question. Oh, I shouldn’t have even looked at it. Oh, it’s so hard. Tiffany. Spell it MEKKAO You I just got almost she’s got literally all the vowels and her last IOU they’re all her last name. Tiffany. MC cow. Okay, okay. I don’t have a clue. Tiffany. I’m sorry. Tiffany M she says I would like to submit a toast. I’m a broker at Berkshire Hathaway. HomeServices penfed Realty in Wichita, Kansas. What a frickin mouthful. Long name Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices fin ped. Pin fed Realty in Wichita, Kansas. She has 51 new agents under her and they are all obsessed with the podcast. 151 Wow. She’s the broker says I would love to toast them for continuing to show up every week, put in the work and most importantly, how they support each other. They are definitely the epitome of community over competition. What a great group cheers to them all. She

59:17
says oh, 51 Oh my god. Thank you, Tiffany. Wow. That’s amazing. That’s really cool. Right?

59:24
So cheers to you guys. Good jazz.

59:28
Agents. So good.

59:30
Okay, y’all have a wonderful day. All right. Bye.

1:00:03
Thank you so much for tuning in to the hustle humbly podcast. Let us know who we should toast to for the next episode.

1:00:08
Be sure to follow us on Facebook and Instagram at hustle humbly podcast. If you have an episode topic or question please email us at hustle humbly podcast@gmail.com Be sure to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review. See you next week. Bye. This is the goodbye